Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: This Week in Parliament: 26 January 2015 - 30 January 2015

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  • David Haywood,

    Our 88-year-old stenographer, Miss Spong, tells us that she’s been “permanently traumatized” while preparing the transcript for this week. Nevertheless she managed to get it ready even more quickly than usual. What a trouper!

    We wish you all the best with your ACC claim, Miss Spong (although we understand there may be regulations that prohibit making a claim while in prison).

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Brislen,

    Scrotum!

    testicles are on the inside.

    as youwere...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 198 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Ah yes, well you are technically correct – although I note that Dr Smith is an actual doctor, and feel I must defer to his medical terminology (however inexact).

    At any rate, I have taken note of your point and will raise it with our editorial board…

    Perhaps the incorrect terminology was what so traumatized Miss Spong.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    sperm wail heard...
    Nick and Nathan - like two peas in a pod!

    Hell, sac the lot of them...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7565 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Breaking News
    Russel Norman stepping down from Green Party co-leadership

    His has been a fine contribution.
    So long and thanks for saving all the fish!

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7565 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Oh, that's a real shame - he made an excellent contribution both to politics and parliament (he was effectively leader of the opposition for most of last term).

    Although I have always felt that -- as taxpayers -- we somehow weren't getting our full money's worth with only the single 'L' in his Christian name.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Brislen,

    Ah, the power of the internet... look at that.

    "We were never here" say his testicles.

    And on that note, Happy Friday!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 198 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    Pity to see him go but I agree David he was one L short of a Russell

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 509 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    Oh and David, very very funny , Ben from the Civilization has competition for surreal satire.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 509 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Paul Brislen,

    It's okay, Paul, your testicles are right here.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4620 posts Report Reply

  • Mike O'Connell, in reply to Richard Aston,

    Hi Richard, it's Ben from the Civilian...but yes I was in stitches over David's piece.

    BTW, Ben describes Russell (with 2 Ls) as a 'borderline-elderly hipster' in The Luminaries fails to win local baking award due to tall poppy syndrome

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 368 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    It is so refreshing to have non-hysterical political commentary each week to bring us down to earth. If one only were to rely on the MSM reports one might think cabinet was a bunch of money hungry lunatics. Thanks to Ms Spong's transcripts we can see they are just normal everyday blokes* doing their, or each others, bit.

    *Even the girls

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4374 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    If one only were to rely on the MSM reports one might think cabinet was a bunch of money hungry lunatics.

    And with that, Sabin resigns Yay!

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    While the satirical nature of this post is noted, there is a similarly themed initiative coming out of the socially forward thinking Scandinavian realm...(nsfw) www.fuckforforest.com that is perfectly serious. One has to wonder about splinters.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 215 posts Report Reply

  • RBentley,

    This is the only worthwhile thing that Smith and Guy have ever done, and they did it together thus demonstrating the true strength and focus of the National Party.

    Hamilton • Since Jul 2008 • 12 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood, in reply to Paul Brislen,

    Ah, the power of the internet… look at that.

    Fortunately we had our This Week in Parliament biennial editorial board meeting at lunchtime today – and Russell and I were able to push through your recommendation.

    To be honest, some of the board members were rather confused about the difference between testicles and scrotums, “So which one is Mike Hoskings then?” asked one bewildered board member, but Russell was heroic in steadfastly campaigning for the change.

    As Russell so eloquently and movingly said in his speech to the board: “If we don’t have our facts exactly 100 per cent correct in This Week in Parliament then we have nothing. I urge you to put aside your differences and vote together for scrotum. ”

    Many of the board members were in tears by the end of Russell’s speech, and the motion was carried 254 votes to 2 against.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood, in reply to RBentley,

    This is the only worthwhile thing that Smith and Guy have ever done

    Thank you, RBentley. One of the most rewarding things about being a political reporter in the gallery is the ability to bring good news stories like this to public attention.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    Scrotum!

    Scrotum!

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2559 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Fundy mental as anything...

    Scrotum!

    Which is just another scrum around the Old Testament!
    (which is full of hookers and rakes)

    Which just goes to show that no matter how ya look at them, in a man's world, things never get far from ball play...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7565 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    Attachment

    see what I mean...

    <from The Realist March 1971 >

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7565 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    I listened to Russel Norman say on the radio this mourning, that the Green Party had doubled it's "market share" during his leadership. It's as if everone is trying to Eek out a career in satire. But seriously Norman should respectfully wait for at least a few more days, before making fun of the Greens.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3870 posts Report Reply

  • Rosemary McDonald, in reply to steven crawford,

    This is the same Russel who extended the hand of friendship to the Gnats a few days before the election, only to get the big slap down? Cost you some of the market share there Russel, old chap.

    Waikato, or on the road • Since Apr 2014 • 1294 posts Report Reply

  • Evan Yates,

    These reviews while being only peripherally relevant are eye-wateringly inappropriate. I’m sure Paul B. will identify.

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 197 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Evan Yates,

    "Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night.."

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19428 posts Report Reply

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