Up Front by Emma Hart

Read Post

Up Front: Public Address Medical Journal: The Smut-Clog

58 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 Newer→ Last

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Shaun called it "the best kind of brain tumour to have", which I'm pretty sure means it gives me super-powers.

    Or it could do this...

    Better Adric than Nikki Brand and Brian O'Blivion. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • johnno,

    Um.. hell... ah.... I'm not normally this eloquent.... um... GOOD LUCK! (playful punch to shoulder, runs in opposite direction in case Adic is contagious.)

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 111 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Harris,

    Wow. At least it's not life-threatening. But it's a bugger that it's not giving you telepathy or telekinesis or shit. You should have got bitten by the spider.

    Be well ;-)

    Waikanae • Since Jul 2008 • 1343 posts Report Reply

  • Idiot Savant,

    Suck.

    And I kinda liked Adric. Hmph.

    Palmerston North • Since Nov 2006 • 1711 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    Shaun called it "the best kind of brain tumour to have", which I’m pretty sure means it gives me super-powers.

    Hopefully these powers will include the abilitiy to sustain repeated blows to the right side of your head.

    If not, be extra careful.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Tim Darlington,

    I get the pupil dilation routine annually to check for diabetic retinopathy. The most annoying bit is they stay dilated for hours, and it turns out everything you like doing involves looking at stuff.

    Worse than the dilation is the eyeball pressure test, in which they check how much fluid you've got in your eyeball (don't ask me why diabetics have gimpy eyeballs - either they just do, or the nation's medical professionals have been yakking it up at my expense for years now). Said test involves poking said eyeball with a measuring instrument. They say you can get used to anything, but so far I haven't got used to that one.

    Since Nov 2006 • 56 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    'but I have a brain tumour'. ("Can you get out and open the garage door?" "But I have brain tumour!"). The clock is still running on "Adric made me do it."

    Mileage smileage should continue and everyone will comment on how brave you are (after the Ohh! following words like "tumour" and "Adric". Keep it up. Hope your super powers crush it's super powers.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    And I kinda liked Adric. Hmph.

    It was nearly Teegan, but if you're going to have a Teegan then you kind of have to have a Nyssa as well, and I'm not looking to do that.

    Worse than the dilation is the eyeball pressure test, in which they check how much fluid you've got in your eyeball

    Yeah, I got that one too, it sucked. And then the optometrist swung the arm of the examine-y machine around and smacked me in the left breast with it. Awesome.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Stewart,

    Having something on your optic nerve that has to be 'kept an eye on' sounds contorted, but I guess you are used to a bit of contortion.

    And I bet the Germans have a specific word (probably about a dozen syllables) for the kind of scary relief you get when it sounds really serious but turns out not to be as threatening as you immediately thought.

    Keep your chin up (it minimises spillage). My thoughts are with you.

    Te Ika A Maui - Whakatane… • Since Oct 2008 • 577 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    everyone will comment on how brave you are

    Oh, yeah, I'm a total wee battler, me. What I've been working on is getting as much booze, smoking and crap food in before somebody tells me I shouldn't.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    before somebody tells me I shouldn't.

    I doubt they could ;) Cheers.
    p.s. I think the 20 secs cry part really showed your human side.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • John Tweedie,

    The feeling you get when you are told you have a tumour in your head is not fun. I had an acoustic neuroma (benign tumour on one of the nerves in the acoustic canal) few years ago. Eventually had to have surgery and lost hearing in that ear but a nurse in the hospital told me that if I was going to have a tumour in my head this was the one to have. Good luck with everything.

    Palmerston North • Since May 2009 • 2 posts Report Reply

  • David Slack,

    What I've been working on is getting as much booze, smoking and crap food in before somebody tells me I shouldn't.

    On my 90th birthday I will cease to resist cigars, cheese, and Class A drugs. I hope very much to see you at the party.

    Devonport • Since Nov 2006 • 599 posts Report Reply

  • JoJo,

    Oh, hon. Well done for coming this far without punching a medical specialist. And good luck with Adric. I always thought removing minor characters was fairly easy? I hope this proves so.

    The radiographer was lovely, though with a curious total inability to refer to my partner as my partner and not my husband.

    I once saw a neurologist who was at least four thousand years old. Explaining to him that I'd had an epileptic fit, while innocently alseep in bed with a gay man - and no I don't have a boyfriend, I'm a dyke - was the most fun I'd had all week. I hope that twitch stayed with him for months.

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    On my 90th birthday I will cease to resist cigars, cheese, and Class A drugs. I hope very much to see you at the party.

    I shall pencil it into my diary, darling.

    Explaining to him that I'd had an epileptic fit, while innocently alseep in bed with a gay man - and no I don't have a boyfriend, I'm a dyke - was the most fun I'd had all week.

    Heheheheheheh.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I postulated that perhaps what they'd seen was an obscuration caused by all the porn I'd read and watched in the last few years: a smut-clog. Either that or there was now medical evidence that 'it' really does make you go blind.

    Your superpowers of humour are clearly unaffected.

    Apparently half an hour after Mum woke up from her Adricectomy her surgeon said "Well then, the speech functions seem to be okay" and everyone in the room laughed and laughed.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • stephen walker,

    cigars, cheese, and Class A drugs

    the combination for real grownups.

    and Emma, just tell Adric to stay cool and act like nothing's happening at all.

    nagano • Since Nov 2006 • 645 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol,

    [...] the sort of tumour that you just leave in and keep an eye on.

    Heeeeee. :D

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 313 posts Report Reply

  • Tristan,

    Super powered tumour hmmm?

    I expect a perpetual motion machine and the launch code for the US missile silos on my desk by morning!


    As for the rest of you I am disappointed in you, I all the way at the bottom of this thread with out a Travolta reference!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 221 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    ("but not as much as this would") and sent me out into the waiting room to wait for them to take effect.

    Hah, been there (cataracts) you hang out with a bunch of others with watery eyes (and twice your age if it's cataract patient day) all peering in vain at the magazines & newspapers.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    "Offica I habve a bwain tumour, i wuv you" - please, oh please use that in anger at least once .....

    In the mean time I'll be completely selfish and look forward to more hospital stories ....

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2604 posts Report Reply

  • Idiot Savant,

    On my 90th birthday I will cease to resist cigars, cheese, and Class A drugs.

    Isn't that leaving it a bit late? (Especially for the cheese?)

    Palmerston North • Since Nov 2006 • 1711 posts Report Reply

  • David Slack,

    I'm already quite late. The next forty two will just fly by.

    Devonport • Since Nov 2006 • 599 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    The next forty two will just fly by.

    So that's the booze and drugs. Just leaves the cigars and cheese....

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    p.s. I think the 20 secs cry part really showed your human side.

    I'm curious about what Emma's other side is now! Emma, are you secretly half-something-else? Like Lieutenant Saavik, say? </nerdlinger>

    (Also: Christ, all that sounds scary. Empathetic ACK!)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.