Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Missus

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  • Karen White,

    <Why don't I ever understand anything Mark says?>

    Whew! I thought it was just me

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 79 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    Why don't I ever understand anything Mark says?

    I think there may be some kind of automated prose-generator underneath. Many of the sentences are grammatically correct - or close to it - but don't make any actual sense.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • mark taslov,

    I think it would come down to fear=respect Danielle.


    Fair enough Emma, that's your job and you do it well, I couldn't even stay away a month, what I meant was, when that entertainment flies in the face of the sentiments that you're 'required' to express as a mother/wife. Not think so much now, but when things like this may become an issue (the hypocrisy that is). Maybe it's just me...

    Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Mar 2008 • 2281 posts Report Reply

  • mark taslov,

    for the dumb asses

    old skool thread. contradictions in expecation of wife in marriage.
    women must work and be good wives
    this can require conflict of interest

    For example If our day job were to encourage people to celebrate truancy, but our night job were to discourage our children from that very practice.

    this may lead to questioning our role in life on blogs

    Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Mar 2008 • 2281 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Dumbass A reporting for duty: how is being a wife incompatible with being a writer?

    (Also, did you just call Emma a hypocrite?)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Dumbass B staying weeeeell away from this one.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Seems to me that given the huge diversity of relationships even within PA that defining the actual activities is going to be hard for either wife or husband job.

    That is pretty much my first thought. There are a number of people here - and I'm one of them - who are dealing with at least one family member with long term illnesses and/or conditions.
    When you're in that situation a lot of traditional roles/expectations go out the window. As they probably should anyway.

    In the words of St Brian of Python, We're All Individuals.

    Main differecnes? Its the husband's job to kill spiders. Wife's job to say 'No, don't kill it! just get rid of it!'

    Oh, then there's mending fuses.

    Put out rubbish.

    Get groceries and other jobs involving lifting.

    Make curries.

    Also do that nurturing stuff.

    And in my own case, Claudia is a detail person. I'm a big picture person. I know lots of couples with this sort of split and its not a male/female thing.

    Mostly this works. When it doesn't its when she turns into an anal retentive control freak and I turn into an impractical dreamer. But this doesn't happen very often. Any more.

    Oh, and on Paul's letters: Eddie Izzard.


    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Dumbass A reporting for duty: how is being a wife incompatible with being a writer?

    I'm not sure asking for clarification is going to clarify anything, sadly. Some of the words will come out in a different order, while not making much more sense.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    If our day job were to encourage people to celebrate truancy

    I'd love to see what the hiring discussion I had with Russell looks like in Mark's head, I think I might hurt myself laughing. "But what I'm really looking for is someone to advocate truancy..."

    There are a number of people here - and I'm one of them - who are dealing with at least one family member with long term illnesses and/or conditions.
    When you're in that situation a lot of traditional roles/expectations go out the window.

    True. That's what happened to parenting-role (as opposed to parenting temperament) stereotypes in our house. Otherwise we just work to our strengths. My partner, bless him, cannot cook. I cannot fix the internet when it breaks.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • amc 32,

    If the job of a wife is to put out? Shucky darn, that's terrible. Now, what's the job of a husband again?

    well, duh, obviously it is husband's job to put IN.
    or has someone else already pointed this out?

    wellington • Since Aug 2008 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    That's what happened to parenting-role (as opposed to parenting temperament) stereotypes in our house. Otherwise we just work to our strengths. My partner, bless him, cannot cook. I cannot fix the internet when it breaks.

    And I cannot drive, and my son, then five - in observing a male friend of ours at the wheel - found it strange that it wasn't the woman in that particular family who did the driving.

    We both cook, I fix the Internet, we both nurture, she drives, I keep the accounting, she does the laundry, I mow the lawns... Really can't get my head around the "wife's job" thing in anything resembling a broad sense.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Parks,

    [I'm] also the person who says 'okay, off you go, let me know if you need an ambulance'.

    If you want to be the cool mum, you'd give your child a mobile phone and say "okay, off you go, call yourself an ambulance if you need one."

    Wellington • Since May 2007 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Parks,

    I think it would come down to fear=respect Danielle.

    Well, that cleared that up, then.

    Wellington • Since May 2007 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Only one? C'mon, that's a bit slack.

    Well apart from schoolboy stuff, yeah just one.

    But I did it really well if that gets me more style points :).

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    for the dumb asses

    Arses please. I'm not a donkey!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Arses please. I'm not a donkey!

    You're not keen on a weekly ass-driving then?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Kerry Weston,

    I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced the phenomenon of turning into one's mother (or father, if you're a bloke) in terms of how how you conduct a relationship?

    I found it was becoming a mother that changed how I behaved as a partner/spouse. Example - I started baking the exact cakes & bikkies my mum used to make and some of her pet phrases came rolling off my tongue, usually unspoken by me in usual chat. When I got the chance I made a huge garden reminiscent of my father's - it was like I was recreating my childhood somehow.

    I must point out that my dad died when I was 6, so i have sparse memories of the parents' relationship and no idea whether I repeated any pattern of who was dominant, the organiser, prime nurturer etc. And I suspect that my two long term partnerships (10 yrs each) both foundered because I didn't live up to expectations of wifeliness. I don't think the men concerned could have stated what those expectations were either, it seems more subconscious.

    Manawatu • Since Jan 2008 • 494 posts Report Reply

  • Ian MacKay,

    As a father of 4, grandfather of 7, and one great grandson, I love 'em all BUT
    WHY do we have children????

    Bleheim • Since Nov 2006 • 498 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    I sometimes push the button, on the washing machine.

    Atlantis • Since Nov 2006 • 4411 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Parks,

    WHY do we have children????



    Good question, with this overpopulated world we live in.

    Children are the past.

    Wellington • Since May 2007 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Leigh Kennaway,

    As a father of 4, grandfather of 7, and one great grandson, I love 'em all BUT
    WHY do we have children????

    I suspect the gentleman has grand-children staying for the school holidays and is getting rather weary....

    sunny Pt Chevalier • Since Mar 2008 • 40 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I thought the point of having kids was so they can provide you with grandchildren with whom you can do all the fun taking them out for treats stuff without all the boring getting to school on time and breaking up fights stuff.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    WHY do we have children?...

    Good question. I'm in charge of getting firewood.

    Atlantis • Since Nov 2006 • 4411 posts Report Reply

  • JoJo,

    I have a sneaking suspicion that this is an underlying concern for those against same-sex marriage: "What's the role of a wife, when there is no husband?!".

    I'm sure my mum is quietly worried about who will save whom from spiders when my girl and I get CUed. Like we're both going be standing on a chair screaming to the other one "GET IT!".

    Don't mind me, y'all - I'm just cracking myself up here.

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • mark taslov,

    I'd love to see what the hiring discussion I had with Russell looks like in Mark's head, I think I might hurt myself laughing. "But what I'm really looking for is someone to advocate truancy..."

    I'm sure it was all clean and above board; D
    happy new year.

    Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Mar 2008 • 2281 posts Report Reply

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