Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: In Which DC Becomes a Twat

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  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    a good 15 minutes ahead

    Wow 15 minutes! Just enough to be famous :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5972 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    15 Minutes ahead? Insider trading moves to a new platform...

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 16444 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    And do I get points for knowing the difference between # and @ ?

    I love how a certain generaton of tv presenters don't instinctively know that an email address never starts with "www".

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 16444 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Hash (#) an' at (at)? Hash init :) You get points man.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5972 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Ok I'll just say Merry happy Damian and moving right along now.......

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5972 posts Report Reply

  • Heather W.,

    Now the twitterverse goes feral. Power blackout in Sydney and on Twitter there is much mention of the zombies.

    North Shore • Since Nov 2008 • 187 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    Gudday Damien--

    As a belated birthday present: your life expectancy may be higher than you think.

    NZ male life expectancy at birth is 77.9 (2006 census figures) and climbing (it was 76.3 in 2001). The figure for Maori is a shocking 8 years below that overall average, the figure for Pakeha slightly higher; but both are rising.

    But that's life expectancy at birth . You actually have a few extra years' life expectancy because you have reached 35 . You can therefore legitimately put off Middle-Agedom for at least another year.

    I don't have more recent figures to hand, but the following data came from a 2002 Statistics NZ report, based on the 2001 census:
    Life expectancy by age and ethnicity
    Additional life expectancy at age:
    0 years (newborn); 25 years; 45 years; 65 years; 85 years
    Pakeha male 77.2; 53.3; 34.4; 16.9; 5.2
    Pakeha female 81.9; 57.7; 38.3; 20.2; 6.5
    Maori male 69.0; 45.6; 27.3; 12.7; 4.2
    Maori female 73.2; 49.3; 30.4; 15.1; 5.2

    So: a Pakeha male reaching age 25 should live to 78.3 on average, and a Pakeha male reaching age 45 should live to 79.4 on average: or, respectively 1 year, and 2 years, over the at-birth expectancy in 2001. These corrections are unlikely to have changed much, so we can apply them to the 2006 estimate, and say that a 35-year-old NZ male currently has a life expectancy of roughly (78+1.5) = 79.5 years, and so middle age won't start until at least 39.

    Happy birthday from linger ... who just turned 39.

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 873 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    (er, that last "life expectancy" should read "an expected total life span". But you knew what I meant, eh.)

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 873 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Must say Don Christie is taking the title of this post rather well, considering.. :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 16444 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    You seem to be assuming that a twat is inherently a Bad Thing.

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 873 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    Dude, you have 15,000 days left.
    what are you doing right now?

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    See now I have people following me... expecting stuff... I'm just going to let them down, sooner or later.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1127 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    DC. Please. Middleaged? Do not ever refer to 35 as middleaged again. I implore you. It's not fair to those of us who are <ahem> not 35. Nor are we 40. Nor are we......you get the picture.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • beksygirl,

    The 5 stages of Twitter acceptance. I'm still at stage 1.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/skyzyx/3224674072/

    Auckland • Since Mar 2009 • 1 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    I love my friends. Many of them are good writers and excellent wits, who can say what they are doing right now in 140 characters or less with verve and charm. But I don't care.

    Is it me? I don't think its my age. I get the Facebook, 4chan, that sort of thing. But I just don't want all this information, all the time.

    Right now, I'm wearing green Chucks.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    The 5 stages of Twitter acceptance. I'm still at stage 1.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/skyzyx/3224674072/</quote>

    Ha, yup that's me, number two...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1127 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    The 5 stages of Twitter acceptance fixt

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    The 5 stages of Twitter acceptance was posted by someone who has made 7,159 uploads to Flickr. So who has issues?

    Oh God, I'm microcommenting.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Rofflenui!

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7349 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Would the twitter equivalent of pwnd be twatted, twatd or Twtd ?

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I'm a stage five, I guess. I use Twitter for conversations, and I love the odd discipline of writing to the message length. The only problem I have with it is that it makes me wish I lived in Wellington even more than usual.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4335 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    the only problem I have with it is that it makes me wish I lived in Wellington even more than usual.

    Because your Welly twitter friends are so cool?

    I ma having conversations, and wasting far too much of my time posting inanity.

    But the original reason I signed up was that lots of the smart and interesting people I know were on it, and posting links to smart and interesting things.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Because your Welly twitter friends are so cool?

    But of course, love.

    Though to be fair my Welly non-Twitter friends are also so cool.

    Also since I made those comments about the hunky wood-man I'm now being followed by an Angelean porn star. How cool is that?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4335 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    How cool is that?

    I am impressed. I do wonder how they found you, though. Exactly what do you search to come up with that sentence?

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    The 5 stages of Twitter acceptance fixt

    Liked that... in fact, even an equivocal endorsement from the PAS crew's enough to get me on board... I think I will!

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2193 posts Report Reply

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