Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: A Nightmarish Moment

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  • Ben Gracewood,

    That Gracewood woman is incorrigible. I recall a similar event at the closing party for a certain Wellington web conference.

    I was in attendance, but apparently my phone battery was flat and she urgently needed to contact her brother, so of course the solution (suggested by the bouncer, falling foul of her wily charms), was for her to enter the event to find him.

    Orkland • Since Nov 2006 • 167 posts Report Reply

  • Jolisa,

    Gracewoods. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. [evil cackle]

    They've also been known to fly halfway round the world on the scent of a good party. It's an uncanny gift.

    He also passed on a private message from Dr Alan Bollard, which involved a threat of violence to my person.

    Not your little person?! I would not put it past the anti-hero of your book to offer menaces to a toddler, although my money would still be on Little Bob "kneecap-gnasher" Haywood.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1410 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    And you don't even have to buy a book. Just come along to introduce yourself and then guzzle up the free booze.

    A which point: ta, Monteith's and Matawhero.

    And really, your closing riff on dancing, line and otherwise, was pure magic -- surreal, whimsical, like listening to something being written in your head.

    Your reading, on the other hand, wasn't so great ;-)

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18815 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    You Gracewoods certainly stick close - first two comments. Respec.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 16599 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    That Gracewood woman is incorrigible. I recall a similar event at the closing party for a certain Wellington web conference.

    The next step, clearly, is the White House.

    Amherst, MA • Since Nov 2006 • 2093 posts Report Reply

  • Phil Lyth,

    pure magic -- surreal, whimsical

    Indeed, I was captivated. A marvellous theme delivered to perception that held the assembled throng in the palm of your hand.

    You had to be there to appreciate the imagery of a one-man-dance-troupe on a random street corner in Sockburn attempting and failing at line-dancing.

    David, only sorry I had to dash to another commitment.

    Wellington • Since Apr 2009 • 443 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    [deleted what I now realise is a spoiler for a perfectly recyclable joke].

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2947 posts Report Reply

  • Philip Challinor,

    A Vision
    I saw, as in a ghastly dream,
    An ice-cream man with toothy beam
    With which he beat a thousand bats.
    I saw, amid the ghastly hats
    A Werewolf in a horrid hood
    Who fought and fouled where'er he would.
    I did my best to quench my fear
    By drowning it in quarts of beer;
    Then dragged my laptop to the bogs
    So I could check their bloody blogs.

    London, England • Since Sep 2009 • 52 posts Report Reply

  • Kris V,

    I'd like to put in my order for the collector's edition of the Reserve Bank Annual - the one with the special "No-stain Cooer", as it amuses my inner grammar/typo pedant in the most delightful southerly way...

    I'll pick it up in person at No4 on Monday night ;)

    Shakeytown • Since Nov 2008 • 61 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Philip, we should fly you to New Zealand one of these launches... And David, what the others said, the story was fabulous, and delivered with great composure.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7354 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    Hi David, what did you do with that painting I gave you, don't lie, you dropped it into the nearest burkes bin, didn't you.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2664 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Just come along to introduce yourself and then guzzle up the free booze.

    So I guess it's going to be another early night before the dehydration migraine makes me unfit for human company. Bugger.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11902 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    And David, what the others said, the story was fabulous, and delivered with great composure.

    Composure? I thought the "Help! What the hell am I saying?" look on David's face contributed significantly to the flavour of the story...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18815 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I should point out that I'll be making a Media7 tomorrow evening and will rush down to Sale St immediately afterwardsto make a speech (about 7pm), made up to look like a TV presenter.

    Our M7 topics are: 95bFM's 40th anniversary, with Gemma Gracewood, Paul Casserly and Troy Ferguson.

    Murdoch versus Google, with Julie Starr, Lance Wiggs (probably) and another.

    Sue Chetwin on being CEO of the Consumers Institute.

    Let me know if you'd like to come.

    I'll bring Gemma with me, but will probably have a couple of seats in the car to save anyone the walk.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18815 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    So I guess it's going to be another early night before the dehydration migraine makes me unfit for human company. Bugger.

    How about hydration so you don't get a migraine, maybe some water,yes? :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6077 posts Report Reply

  • Robyn Gallagher,

    and then begin to talk utter rubbish

    Well, there was a point, just when you were about to read, when you suddenly started talking about something else. It was at that point that I almost yelled out, "Just shut up and read, ow!"

    But I was in Parliament so I didn't.

    I was a splendid evening, and really nice to meet you (and other PA regulars!) finally, after all these years. Such long years.

    I've also been reading the Annual, but appear to have been distracted from completing it by the appearance of an iPhone in my life.

    Raglan • Since Nov 2006 • 1855 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    How about hydration so you don't get a migraine, maybe some water,yes? :)

    I'd rather not have to pay bar prices for it, like I had to at a rather unpleasant work-related Christmas party last year.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11902 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I'd rather not have to pay bar prices for it, like I had to at a rather unpleasant work-related Christmas party last year.

    The water will be free! Promise!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18815 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    The water will be free! Promise!

    Yay! Though you've just done yourself out of one hell of a floor show. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11902 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    The water will be free! Promise!

    We've found our new champion of the anti-water-privatisation cause.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7354 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I must say that it was wonderful to finally put faces to names that I've known for years: Stephen Judd, Rob Hosking, Robyn Gallagher, Giovanni Tiso, Lyndon Hood, and Graeme Edgeler -- to name but six of the most drunken attendees.

    You don't know how much it pleases me that I am not on that list.

    And David, what the others said, the story was fabulous, and delivered with great composure.

    And Bob the Baby's cameo was utterly adorable.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Can I just say however that I was not drunk? Honestly, and regretfully.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7354 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    But are you actually from Naenae? That's the real question.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3649 posts Report Reply

  • Jolisa,

    But are you actually from Naenae? That's the real question.

    Oddly enough, there was an Italian boy in my class at St Bernadette's. Name of Benvenuti, not a trace of an accent. Deep cover in the Hutt Valley? He wouldn't be the first.

    You Gracewoods certainly stick close - first two comments. Respec.

    We need Ian D back in the house to tell us that Ben Gracewood is almost a perfect anagram of WE ARE BORG.

    Actually, it's a perfect anagram of WE ARE BONG, DOC. Which is almost the same thing.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1410 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Didn't Stephen attempt to establish that I was from Te Awamutu a while ago? I'd have to check the record.

    Go the Mooloos.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7354 posts Report Reply

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