Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Our Saddest and Most Tragic Christmas Ever

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  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    snort

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 106 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Maybe we should start a support group for frustrated LaTeX users....

    I can just see that drawing entirely the right kind of wrongness. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    right kind of wrongness

    It's all about Supply and Demand.

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Robeson,

    Nyaaah!

    Ronnie Hugh Morrieson's house that he wrote many of his books in- and I think of the scene of the painting and the fire from The Scarecrow- is now a KFC.

    Nyaaahhh!

    Since Feb 2008 • 87 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Nyaaah!

    Ronnie Hugh Morrieson's house that he wrote many of his books in- and I think of the scene of the painting and the fire from The Scarecrow- is now a KFC.

    Nyaaahhh!

    To the general acclaim of Hawera's residents, who had been less than impressed over the years with their various foibles making it into RH's books. Or so I've read.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    I don't quite understand the context of those last 2 comments...but perhaps it was a case of subliminal blog commenting. I'll re-read the thread after I get the tasty goodness of a 27 piece pack with extra 'slaw.

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    I don't quite understand the context of those last 2 comments...but perhaps it was a case of subliminal blog commenting.

    I believe there's a RHM festival on in Hawera this weekend, and Paul was expressing his horror that Ronnie's house got bowled to make way for KFC. So not thread-related but topical.

    Meanwhile, if you subscribe to the belief that The Standard = Labour, red team voters in Epsom are again being told to vote for the Nats' Richard Worth over Labour's Kate Sutton, for the sake of keeping ACT out. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did this actually work last time?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Okay, so that last paragraph wasn't especially thread-related. What I meant to post was, I have my copy of the book. Joy.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Very glad the book has arrived, Sam. I haven't actually laid eyes on a physical copy myself -- so you're enjoying the beauty (or otherwise) of the book before the author does...

    Cheers,
    David

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    No," confesses his mother. "I'm afraid we can only afford a bowl of sand for Christmas dinner."

    "Will it be piping-hot sand?" asks Bob eagerly.

    "No, the sand will be completely uncooked, I'm afraid."

    Bob-the-baby draws the thin blanket closer to his body

    Sam said

    , I have my copy of the book. Joy.

    Hopefully one will afford porridge now :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Brent Jackson,

    ... or at least be able to heat the sand ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 614 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Or - at least- an oat...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Sorry guys just can't get this out of my head......

    I'll start a social networking site where people with mental pain in their lives can sell that pain to sadomasochists who are looking for ways to totally take it to a new level, though the use of the brain as an erogenous zone.

    The crossing of a masochistic editor with a sadistic typesetter.

    Please add and extra space after that full stop..... (speaks) No

    How about a half space........ (shouts) NO !

    A little extra space......... (whispers) Noooooo.......

    (Repeat until funny, sexy, other....)

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    With the extra few cents we're going to buy some rags to wrap around our feet -- so that we can go into the woods to collect roots and berries for Christmas dinner.

    I've never really known what they meant by roots (tubers, I expect), but I suppose I'll find out...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    With the extra few cents we're going to buy some rags to wrap around our feet

    Is that your way of complaining about a slow uptake? I'm getting flashbacks of "Buy This Magazine or We'll Kill the Dog".

    There is an economic crisis for the rest of us too, you know... I for instance had all my book money invested in the Nikkei.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    I've never really known what they meant by roots (tubers, I expect), but I suppose I'll find out...

    They're correct name is TRUFFLES! $120 a kilo. I guess you have made it now, ....and with just a wee addition of a few rags eh?

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    That should be pounds not dollars :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    a sadistic typesetter

    So you've met one before, too? That's kind of reassuring..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19667 posts Report Reply

  • Jason Kemp,

    Hi David,

    Really enjoyed the book.

    There is something quite delicious about having an actual book in ones hand. I was delighted with my copy which arrived very promptly.

    A mark of great writing is that even though I have read many of the stories online they were all still funny the second time around.

    In fact I'm going to insist on reading some of them to the 7 year old who has a sense of humour way beyond her years.

    My favourite story is the "Joys of Unclehood" where delighful Cuba aged 6 gets to have a little fun on various members of the family.

    I have a younger sister who has recently become a parent and all of our siblings are quite relieved and very keen to invite her little boy out for fun when he gets older.

    There is something magical about the universe of parenthood when seen from the sideview of Unclehood. Go Cuba.

    For the writing I was thinking we could say this book is what happens when James McNeish meets Owen Marshall and gets smashed on raspberry cordial at Millers Flat.

    Maybe not :)

    PS. I too have been experimenting with LaTex and WordPress.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 363 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Kia ora David - many thanks, the book arrived early this week, and it's a sweetie. Will be buying at least another couple for susceptible rellies so - maybe? - you can upgrade the rags to sackcloth, and many more oats? Sufficient, say, for gruel?

    I do hope so for that fella with the gorgeous dark eyes on the cover...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    I was thinking gruel too. Such a fittingly meagre word..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19667 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Not that i'm saying that's what David deserves, I just like the word.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19667 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Jason Kemp and Islander:

    Thank you both for your very kind words on the book.

    Jason:

    Cuba will be delighted to hear that your favourite piece is the one about her. She is a keen writer herself, and has plans to follow in her scribbling uncle's footsteps (although hopefully not in the financial sense).

    I hope your press-ganged seven-year-old audience isn't too traumatized by the school essays...

    Islander:
    May I commend you on your insightfulness in terms of Bob's beautiful eyes. I shall write to Miss/Mr Universe recommending that you urgently be given a place on the judges' panel.

    Actually, the cover image was originally going to be a photograph of me as a baby -- but.. ahem... it was a little difficult to find something suitably photogenic. You'll note that the image of Bob is aged in a feeble attempt to fool readers into thinking it's really an old photo of me.

    We're currently in rain-swept child-hating England where we have, in fact, been eating gruel for breakfast. Or, at least, porridge -- which I understand is more-or-less the same thing. I hope this makes Sacha happy.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    You'll note that the image of Bob is aged in a feeble attempt to fool readers into thinking it's really an old photo of me.

    Is it not enough to bring out naked baby photos at his 21st? He's going to go through life looking at people reading books and hiding his head in shame!

    A plot to turn your son off reading if ever I saw one.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Thanks to everyone who has sent me kind emails about the book.

    I felt that the information contained in one particular email (from a reader in Australia) deserved wider publicity. I quote without further comment:

    I like your book! I wasn't sure whether to believe all stories in there as being true and autobiographical though (like your supposedly first stabbing), so I asked my (German) husband whether he knew the word 'sitzpinkeln'. "Oh jah!", he said, "Stehpisser raus!" (this was on a sign in a feminists' house that he once visited)

    Then I recalled a story that he has told me many a time about his friend who had recently got a piercing through his dickhead. He apparently was a Stehpisser, because, as I have been told many times, he was surprised that his urine now sprayed in all directions. So then he was forced to become a Sitzpinkler.

    Useful German vocabulary for this post:

    sitzpinkeln = sitting to urinate
    "Stehpisser raus!" = "Persons who stand to urinate, stay out!"
    Stehpisser = a person who stands to urinate
    Sitzpinkler = a person who sits to urinate

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

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