Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Oh, Cock!

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  • Jeremy Eade,

    A funny from wikipedia

    "Results vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring, but a mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length."

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • uroskin,

    If you ever wondered what gay inches were.

    Waiheke Island • Since Feb 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    a mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.

    Does it say how long the kind ones are?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    Danish Horses.

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    If you ever wondered what gay inches were.

    DENMARK! (shakes fist)

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I don't know why, but I suddenly remembered the best workshop safety advice ever, namely:

    NEVER PUT YOUR FINGER WHERE YOU WOULDN'T PUT YOUR PENIS.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    NEVER PUT YOUR FINGER WHERE YOU WOULDN'T PUT YOUR PENIS

    Advice for life

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    NEVER PUT YOUR FINGER WHERE YOU WOULDN'T PUT YOUR PENIS

    Advice for life

    I really want to see you guys cook.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I'd also like to point out I'm touch typing right now and, sorry, but no.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    You want to see my what?!

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    the only measurements I trust are done by third parties

    I don't get invites to many parties, these days.

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2550 posts Report Reply

  • uroskin,

    Measuring each other is so much fun! I bet it's a great bonding exercise for the All Blacks and the Warriors. I certainly want to measure those golden 7s guys one day!

    Waiheke Island • Since Feb 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    They could do it for charity.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Ben, is it me or you just took all the fun out of cock-measuring?

    Being all scientific is quite difficult. I did have one thought about how you could measure cock volume, though, a literal eureka moment. Get it up, and stick it in a full cup (or in my case a yard glass ho ho), and measure how much water is displaced. I suggest warm water.

    I wonder if this was what Archimedes was really doing in his bath?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10647 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    Please let us know your results, Ben. We'll try to match or better it.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Get it up, and stick it in a full cup (or in my case a yard glass ho ho), and measure how much water is displaced. I suggest warm water.

    That's brilliant. Let's all do that.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Get it up, and stick it in a full cup (or in my case a yard glass ho ho), and measure how much water is displaced.

    I'm not picturing some unusual contortionism as a bunch of fully erect men try to get their penises comfortably pointing directly downwards.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I guess another way might be to quickly wrap it in plaster of paris. Then you get a mold as a by product. Probably will need scissors to get your pubes out, though, and good thorough wash afterward. I think when casting parts of your body, it's important to put plenty of vaseline on first, otherwise you'll end up in hospital in the queue of people with their cocks stuck in things for 'quite innocuous reasons'.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10647 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    Get it up, and stick it in a full cup (or in my case a yard glass ho ho), and measure how much water is displaced. I suggest warm water

    Except that, by that method, short and thick and long and thin would score the same but have very different performance indicators.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Good god its turned into the Todger Dialogue here.

    You can't push Willy where Willy won't go:


    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Good god its turned into the Todger Dialogue here.

    And we know Emma never intended that to happen.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4452 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Except that, by that method, short and thick and long and thin would score the same but have very different performance indicators.

    It's just another measure to add to the list. We haven't really scratched the surface yet.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10647 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    If fairly sure that if you're scratching the surface you're being a bit rough.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • uroskin,

    Real men wank with sandpaper, as an old bFM hit song had it.

    Waiheke Island • Since Feb 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Hey, the first time I had sex I bled profusely. I was literally torn apart. Had to happen, though.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10647 posts Report Reply

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