Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Missus

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  • stephen walker,

    Ah, the job of a wife is to tell her husband to stop being so irresponsible with his time and money...

    ...just joking.

    wifing and mothering aren't jobs.
    how do i know? because i can't find any ads in the paper for either. and how much do these jobs pay?

    nagano • Since Nov 2006 • 645 posts Report Reply

  • John Fouhy,

    The Talmud has advice on the duties of a husband:

    THE TIMES FOR CONJUGAL DUTY PRESCRIBED IN THE TORAH ARE: FOR MEN OF INDEPENDENCE, EVERY DAY; FOR LABOURERS, TWICE A WEEK; FOR ASS-DRIVERS, ONCE A WEEK; FOR CAMEL-DRIVERS, ONCE IN THIRTY DAYS; FOR SAILORS, ONCE IN SIX MONTHS. THESE ARE THE RULINGS OF R. ELIEZER.

    http://www.come-and-hear.com/kethuboth/kethuboth_61.html

    HTH :-)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 87 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen,

    Just a thought - the word 'wife' simply denotes a relationship to someone else, not a role/job. The role is can easily be whatever a couple makes it, though is often subject to tradition, I guess.

    Auckland • Since Apr 2008 • 47 posts Report Reply

  • Peter Darlington,

    Only once a week for the ass drivers? That hardly seems fair.

    Nelson • Since Nov 2006 • 948 posts Report Reply

  • stephen walker,

    mother = nurture, protect, dicipline, praise, console, encourage, advise...

    wife = emotional partner? companion? counsel? muse? receiver of unexpected gifts? firm but fair? (no, wait, that's 4th form dean)

    (no word from the ladies yet? i hope they are not all busy baking scones)

    nagano • Since Nov 2006 • 645 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I don't really see being a wife (or life-partner or whatever it is I'm identifying as) and being a mother as truly separate roles - it's all just being-part-of-a-family. And the main difference between mothering and fathering in our household is that I'm rather better at lactating than he is.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    Job of wife? Ya got me? and I've got one.

    P.S. Is saying "got" a wife ok? I know "own" is out of the question :)

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 887 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Try not to die of starvation or plague. Everything else is up for negotiation.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    I wish I could just be a person who happened to be married to another person, and might or might not become a parent to another person. Sheez.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    I'd have thought it's the same as the job of a husband: Show up and say "I do". Everything after that is up to you.

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    That said, I do find that jobs are divided between me and the missus along fairly stereotypical gender lines. Mostly, though, that's a result of mutual and complementary laziness: "You should do it because it's The Man's/Woman's Job" is a code phrase we both use to mean "You should do it because I can't be bothered".

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    I'm not sure about the full context of the conversation you were referring to Emma: were they talking specifically about the job of a "wife" in a way that would be different from more generally being a "spouse" or "life partner"? If that's true, then it's promoting a view of gender roles that seems hopelessly outdated. Otherwise, I'd say that the "job" of a wife is the same as the "job" of anyone who loves someone and cohabits with someone: as Stephen said, "emotional partner? companion? counsel? muse? receiver of unexpected gifts? firm but fair?" One might not usually think of that as being a "job", but there would certainly be occasions in any long-term relationship when one would have to remind oneself of one's duty as part of a partnership rather than doing it automatically out of love.

    Which may be why I'm not very good at such jobs. For now, I'd rather stick with a series of short-term contracts rather a long-term career.

    Hunter S. Thompson's widow Anita

    For a moment there I thought you were referring to William S. Burroughs' wife. If that were the case, then the most important part of her job would be to duck.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report Reply

  • Rachel Prosser,

    <quote> I'm betting it's one of Paul's. </unquote>

    It is. Titus lived on Crete, was bishop there I think.

    I lived on Crete, in a bay called Agios Pavlos (St Paul) where we had a small cave, with a tiny church carved into rock, where St Paul apparently took shelter at one time (Acts Chapter 27 as I recall)

    From memory, Paul is pretty swingeing in his criticisms of Cretans in his letter to Titus.

    Christchurch • Since Mar 2008 • 228 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I used to lurk on a message board called something like "Titus 2" as an exercise in seeing how strong my stomach was. The definition of "wife" there was to maintain a perfect home, be modest and submissive in every way, "serve" ones husband, bear child after child and homeschool the lot of them. The forum for teenage girls was particularly upsetting.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I don't want to derail this thread prematurely, but I need to point out that the site John Fouhy links to, while it appears to have an accurate copy of the Talmud, is run by someone who has carefully and selectively culled secondary sources for all the supporting pages, in order to cast them in the worst possible light. Indeed, I would not trust any particular page to have a correct text, nor would I trust any commentary presented there.

    This is why it prominently features the work of Elizabeth Dilling.

    People who poke around the rest of that site should be aware of its propagandist intent.

    (This is also totally bizarre - I was completely unaware of Come And Hear until this morning, when it cropped up elsewhere.)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I'm not sure about the full context of the conversation you were referring to Emma: were they talking specifically about the job of a "wife" in a way that would be different from more generally being a "spouse" or "life partner"?

    I'm honestly not sure, Tom, and I'd hate to call it, because I genuinely feel that I'm missing something there. (Mommyblogs bring me out in a bit of a mental rash.) I think so.

    Paul is pretty swingeing in his criticisms of Cretans in his letter to Titus.

    Was there anyone he liked?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Only once a week for the ass drivers? That hardly seems fair.

    Who'd want to be a sailor, tho?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Max Call,

    being a wife is being one half of the partnership of marriage.
    This partnership is to be defined by the partners.
    In my marriage we are best friends, make joint decisions regarding our family, finances, future etc, parent together and probably other stuff too which doesn't come to mind immediately.
    Not sure if this is a job tho'.

    Fruit Bowl of New Zealand… • Since Jun 2007 • 153 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    So Titus 2 is the prequel to Titus Andronicus then?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • Sayana,

    Surely being a wife's not a job when it's such fun?

    it could indicate a use for my lightsabre and thigh-boots.

    Can you send me photos?

    Since Sep 2008 • 50 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Only once a week for the ass drivers? That hardly seems fair.

    Wow, that could be made into a brutal double entendre.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    So Titus 2 is the prequel to Titus Andronicus then?

    It did cross my mind to wonder if it was in LOLCat.

    Can you send me photos?

    Sure. They may not be entirely genuine, of course...

    Surely being a wife's not a job when it's such fun?

    Indeed, which is why I wonder how people can see it as being harder than raising children.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    men are a bit shit.

    Ah, that was a hit on the nail head moment. Thanks.

    I wonder if Andy Capp could have saved you a few biblical definitions?

    http://comics.com/andy_capp/

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Wow, that could be made into a brutal double entendre.

    Guilty has charged.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Make that "as charged".

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

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