Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Up Front Guide: Dressing for "Success"

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  • Megan Wegan,

    I...you've been reading my diary again, haven't you?

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Hey, you missed "sensitive and understanding of women -- willing to listen but still totally up for it if that's what you like."

    That was always my best thing. I suppose the dress code would be "not like those other guys that try and hit on you."

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22756 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Hey, you missed "sensitive and understanding of women -- willing to listen but still totally up for it if that's what you like."

    And you know why? Cause I couldn't come up with an archetype for him. He was a bit more 'drinking organic wheatgrass and reading Foucault'.

    I...you've been reading my diary again, haven't you?

    I may have made some use of that evening we partially spent playing "spot the stripy shirt" outside Hooch.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • John Russell,

    What's amusing is the accuracy with which at least one of these descriptions fits at least one of Emma's exes. Actually, more than one.

    SPOOKY!

    Auckland • Since Aug 2008 • 17 posts Report Reply

  • Martin Lindberg,

    now that Aviator sunglasses ... are no longer really acceptable in public

    Oh noes! When did this happen? Why did noone tell me?

    Stockholm • Since Jul 2009 • 802 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    I thought that men didnt need to dress special to indicate we were totally up for it... its just a given.

    All men are totally up for it all the time... no?

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 887 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    What's amusing is the accuracy with which at least one of these descriptions fits at least one of Emma's exes.

    That is completely unfair. They didn't have Lynx back then.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    That is completely unfair. They didn't have Lynx back then.

    Old Spice? Brut?

    Ooooo, I know. Jazz.

    Actually, Jazz? Totally the scent of several stripy shirts of my ...acquaintance.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Archetypecasting-central...
    I thought they all sounded like either
    Captain Jack Harkness or Doctors Who!
    and yes, that's not a bad thing...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7889 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I'm with Fletcher on this one - there a basic flaw in your whole premise.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I'm with Fletcher on this one - there a basic flaw in your whole premise.

    Conflicting stereotypes. If men are always up for it, then women never are. So we're not going to pursue you without a little extra encouragement.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    No...

    Men are always up for it, and women never are, except for when they dress to indicate so... hence why you get hit on when you dress like that.

    The up-for-it guys are remaining gentlemanly until you give the green light... or something. :)

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 887 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    The Preppie

    Don't. Just don't. This hasn't worked for anyone since Matthew Broderick.

    By this you don't mean the "sweater over the shoulder" look that many hip-hop artists have been rockin recently? And looking quite nice too I might add (a Prada pullover is on my to-buy when I'm rich list).

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I'm not sure whether to blush, smirk or keep score (though I think you need a category for "scholarly yet dissolute").

    Ickyest guy I ever tangled with used to bathe in Jazz. I'm pretty sure these days he will have moved on to Lynx and is probably trying to pick up chicks at least 25 years younger than him.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Andre Alessi,

    I admit, I tried the Stripy Shirt approach for years. Never worked. Never once was I sexually harassed by a woman (or a man, for that matter-even the drag queens on K Rd seemed to think I was beneath contempt.)

    Then I grew a beard and pow!

    I'm thinking I could possibly pull off the Dark and Brooding nowadays if I wanted.

    Edit: And by the way, I still <3 my Lynx.

    Devonport, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    If you have Rockers, then you really need Mods. Similar rules apply, but we wear hats, which we keep in our glove box, and turn up on Vespas. Even our motorcycles (yes, yes, scooters) are 'up for it'. 2-stroke, with 1 down and 3 up. Just sayin'.

    You needn't worry about getting it wrong, because the stereotype has been applied a priori.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Apparently, several million years of hominid evolution have already spoken on the subject of the ladiez preferred attributes in a bloke.

    I'd never really thought about where the species name homo erectus... er... arose.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    By this you don't mean the "sweater over the shoulder" look that many hip-hop artists have been rockin recently?

    But that's ironic preppy, right? Right? Tell me that's ironic, don't make me cry.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    now that Aviator sunglasses ... are no longer really acceptable in public

    Oh noes! When did this happen? Why did noone tell me?

    Aviator sunglasses have never been acceptable unless you are actually piloting something capable of either bombing or strafing.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    You would have to post this on the one day I'm wearing a stripy shirt, wouldn't you? In my defence, it's by World rather than Hallensteins or Tarocash, with a never-to-be-popped collar and I'd rather stay sober than drink mainstream beer.

    Right, it's back to the cravat and pink gin tomorrow, I swear.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    Ickyest guy I ever tangled with used to bathe in Jazz. I'm pretty sure these days he will have moved on to Lynx and is probably trying to pick up chicks at least 25 years younger than him.

    Eeeew. This reminds me of being at Boogie Wonderland at about 3am on a Sunday morning.

    In my defence I was walking through from Alice to get a taxi home. Not actually IN Boogie Wonderland. And on the dancefloor were all the drunk young girls you could shake a stick at, and surrounding the dancefloor was about 10 men, in their 40s, or older, nursing a beer, wearing bad leather jackets. I'm sure they would have reeked of Lynx, if I had gotten close enough.

    What I said to them may not have been my proudest moment. But, God, at least be a little subtle in your perving.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    You would have to post this on the one day I'm wearing a stripy shirt, wouldn't you?

    We did try to work out why not all stripy shirts make for a Stripy Shirt, and why it's so easy to spot Stripy Shirts even when they're not wearing stripy shirts. But we were drunk.

    Ickyest guy I ever tangled with used to bathe in Jazz.

    Should I be able to work out who this is?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    Should I be able to work out who this is?

    No - this one harks back to highschool (well I was in highschool he was a good 10 years older and doing highschool girls).

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Apparently, several million years of hominid evolution have already spoken on the subject of the ladiez preferred attributes in a bloke.

    Co-incidentally, I've just been having a long conversation with a friend about penis size. Especially re my assumptions that most 'people who shag men' have the same view as me that

    a) they're more or less proportional to body size, and

    b) they're pretty much all the same.

    Perhaps I simply haven't been discriminating enough.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    If men are always up for it, then women never are. So we're not going to pursue you without a little extra encouragement.

    You got me there.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

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