Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: This Week in Parliament: 20 October 2014 - 24th October 2014

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  • Myles Thomas,

    John Oliver meets the civilian. Give this man a tv budget.

    Auckland • Since Apr 2011 • 130 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    The uncircumcised minister

    Kudos for not using “member” there. It must have been tempting.

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1898 posts Report Reply

  • andin,

    “Most GCSB staff are ex-parking wardens or former call-centre managers. In hindsight it was overly ambitious to ask them to develop a robot army.”

    But they will be speech training the bots, to be really, reeally annoying.
    Lets see those ISIS chappies get past them. HA!

    raglan • Since Mar 2007 • 1886 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    I was going to propose an ex-national MP/ex-All Black who seems to be at a loose end for the killer robot job but then realised that the fix was in and Bridges obviously already has a candidate in mind

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2609 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Kudos for not using “member” there. It must have been tempting.

    Doh! You can probably hear me banging my head on my desk all the way from Tokyo. What a missed opportunity! Some political journalists have standards – but, I can assure you, not me.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Grant McDougall,

    justice minister Amy Adams

    Ever noticed how eerily similar she looks to Vladimar Putin ? Put a blonde wig on him and you couldn't tell the difference.

    Dunedin • Since Dec 2006 • 759 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB, in reply to Paul Campbell,

    I was going to propose an ex-national MP/ex-All Black who seems to be at a loose end for the killer robot job but then realised that the fix was in and Bridges obviously already has a candidate in mind

    I’m thinking of a particular ex-Nat and coincidentally also ex-Act MP/Party Leader who’d make an excellent second-choice candidate after Robo-collins?

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 887 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    While amusing this is not as good as you previous works.

    I suggest you stick to fiction and satire and avoid proper journalism.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4451 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    David I'm hoping your Week in Parliament will be a regular feature from now on. Your country needs you! ;-)

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3890 posts Report Reply

  • Ianmac,

    "“Simon intends to create a superhuman cyborg warrior by ‘upgrading’ a suitable National Party MP,” says the Prime Minister."

    Aha! At last a use for Judith Collins. She has, or did have, the necessary "instincts " for the job.

    Bleneim • Since Aug 2008 • 135 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    Stupendously superb!

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2097 posts Report Reply

  • Katita,

    Ever noticed how eerily similar she looks to Vladimar Putin ? Put a blonde wig on him and you couldn't tell the difference.

    And some provocative Victory Red lippy

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 66 posts Report Reply

  • Greg Dawson, in reply to Katita,

    Ever noticed how eerily similar she looks to Vladimar Putin ? Put a blonde wig on him and you couldn’t tell the difference.

    And some provocative Victory Red lippy

    Or.... we could focus on how she's not a very effective minister, and she has a surprisingly dodgy portfolio of extramural activities given the scope of her ministerial role. </sjw>

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 294 posts Report Reply

  • Matthew Poole, in reply to Grant McDougall,

    Ever noticed how eerily similar she looks to Vladimar Putin ? Put a blonde wig on him and you couldn't tell the difference.

    Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room at the same time?!

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4097 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    I suggest you stick to fiction and satire and avoid proper journalism.

    Bart, it's precisely this sort of thinking that holds back NZ Inc.

    Why do you hate the idea of a prosperous, efficient country kept free of terrorism by experimental cyborgs? Do you not grasp that we're on the cusp of something pretty good here?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22761 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    David! I have received a request for similar reportage from you on the ebola threat in Wellington. Please advise, as any length you see fit.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22761 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Russell Brown,

    Why do you hate the idea of a prosperous, efficient country

    Russell, you are really not helping the situation by leaking Government secrets. You know this will only apply to the chosen few.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    And.
    We have every reason to be fearful...
    Did you not hear about the Flight that was cancelled when an “Al-Quida” Wi-Fi network became available?

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood, in reply to Lilith __,

    David I’m hoping your Week in Parliament will be a regular feature from now on. Your country needs you! ;-)

    Thanks, Lilith – an intriguing suggestion! If my country needs me then I suppose I should oblige.

    Just FYI there was also a previous column here:

    http://publicaddress.net/southerly/this-week-in-parliament-/

    Alas the long-running stenographer dispute meant that there has been a slight – but, I hope, imperceptible – pause between instalments…

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood, in reply to Russell Brown,

    David! I have received a request for similar reportage from you on the ebola threat in Wellington. Please advise, as any length you see fit.

    I think your correspondent will be interested in next Monday's report, where Ebola will certainly be (tastefully) mentioned.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __, in reply to David Haywood,

    If my country needs me then I suppose I should oblige.

    We shall expect your next installment no later than mid-2018.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3890 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Russell Brown,

    that holds back NZ Inc

    's hair as she vomits in the nightclub toilets

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19697 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to David Haywood,

    a previous column

    the drugs appear to have worn off.

    Under the Speaker's proposal, an Olympic-sized swimming pool would be installed in the main floor of the debating chamber. "During school visits I would entertain the children by swimming lengths of the pool while disguised as a camel," explains Dr Smith.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19697 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to David Haywood,

    trouble up at Pitman…

    Alas the long-running stenographer dispute…

    …all due to a simple typographic error that lead to the first tranche of Parliamentary security changes – as the they were replaced with steganographers!
    I’m sure National were comfortable with that…

    Welcome to the obfuscation nation!

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7896 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    This week in Parliament, in fact yesterday, Parliament was invited to welcome a delegation from the Fijian Parliament, which they did, with much banging together of hands.
    I wondered what they were there for, was it to observe another successful Pacific Dictatorship? Of course this can't be the case as Fiji had an open and democratic election. So all is well with the world then.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

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