Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: I Swear, It's True

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  • Sacha, in reply to Russell Brown,

    does seem vastly more likely :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19688 posts Report Reply

  • Hebe, in reply to TracyMac,

    Douche-anything is too American, douche-canoe particularly so. I for no particular reason find it especially irritating and something I have never heard anyone say in real life.

    The thread has made me think about why and when I swear: it's usually fury or frustration. Fluency and assonance of the words is valuable, as is a small collection of syllables. As much as I admire hoofwanking bunglecunt, I would be unlikely to use it because it is too difficult to say in the moments of white heat.

    Christchurch • Since May 2011 • 2896 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Kumara Republic,

    that moment when Ron Mark mumbled the F-word, and the sign language interpreter translated it as a middle finger

    faithfully. recommend asking to see 'bullshit' sometime.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19688 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Hebe,

    Fuckwit spits out well.

    fucken eh

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19688 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    My favourite reaction to that Donald Trump twitter pile-on was someone who was so delighted with the creativity displayed that he wanted a tear-off calender with a new British insult-phrase on each of the day's sheets. Would probably be a decent money-spinner for someone who put it up on Kickstarter or whatever.

    'Wankstain' is my current favourite pejorative, conveying the sense of something unpleasantly messy that needs wiping up.

    'Fuck me sideways' is is popular staple for when things go, um, sideways. I mean, yes, you can be fucked sideways in an entirely delightful manner, but that's not the impression it conveys - more along the lines of a filthy equivalent of knocked down with a feather. Slapped to the floor with a huge cock, perhaps.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • nzlemming,

    Has anyone else had the Mockers going through their heads while reading this thread?

    Waikanae • Since Nov 2006 • 2930 posts Report Reply

  • nzlemming, in reply to Rich Lock,

    Attachment

    Slapped to the floor with a huge cock, perhaps.

    You'd have to ask Steven Joyce about that

    Waikanae • Since Nov 2006 • 2930 posts Report Reply

  • Shaun Scott,

    Emma- thank you so much for this post. i am in the midst of shit work, and and the soon to be demise of an old friend (minimal contact in recent years but close link with the important parts of whanau and with emotional history), and this truly made me laugh. So much so that I nearly had to leave the comforting surr0undings of Selwyn Graves - Hairdresser and Tobacconist (rest assured my friend never smoked. I say this only to absolve Selwyn of blame, not to make judgement on smokers.) Truly, in what is a fragile state, I started to shake with laughter- and did have to stop reading until post haircut. (4 on the top, 2 on the sides. always brave to hair reduce on a cold Dunedin day)
    Anyway . . . a good swear is a reviving thing, I reckon. To my own shame, but continued amusement, I shouted at our daughter " you fucking shit- sneezer" when she did a "nothing but net " shot in the back yard to beat me in a sadly competitive one on one- when she was 15. It was the last point scored, as neither of us could hold a basketball credibly while rolling about laughing.
    Still a family favorite- as is the more tame, and more frequently vocalised "snot-gobbler".
    To my mind, both work well, and have the added bonus of being open to added expletives to enhance impact.

    Dunedin • Since Dec 2008 • 88 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to nzlemming,

    Has anyone else had the Mockers going through their heads while reading this thread?

    I should bloody well hope so.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • nzlemming, in reply to Emma Hart,

    I should bloody well hope so

    Other people are probably too hip to mention it. Cockwombles, all.

    Waikanae • Since Nov 2006 • 2930 posts Report Reply

  • Jason Kemp,

    Just re-watching 'Black Books' right now. Somehow that series seems to strike an expletive tone without actually swearing.

    Also I remember when my daughter got to school finally at age 5. She and a number of her 5 yr old friends stumbled on a mystery word called the "f" word and wanted to know what it was. None of the parents or teachers would tell her. She was 5 we thought she could wait a bit.

    When she found out a week or two later she was disappointed and said something to the effect of - that all the two year olds in the creche knew that word and plenty more besides. By age 3 they were over it.

    We were trying hard not to swear around her but only because as we explained it is much more fun when you don't do it all the time.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 366 posts Report Reply

  • Hebe, in reply to Sacha,

    fucken eh

    Have always thought that is "fucken A". Thanks for the enlightening.

    Christchurch • Since May 2011 • 2896 posts Report Reply

  • Moz, in reply to nzlemming,

    Has anyone else had the Mockers going through their heads

    I assumed the title referred directly to it, even though the lyrics don't really apply.

    Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 1198 posts Report Reply

  • Jason Kemp,

    One for the linguistic historians out there. This talk by Prof Kate Burridge from 2012 was intriguing. She is Chair of Linguistics at Monash University.

    It is a talk about why, ultimately, euphemisms make our lives easier. I suspect swearing makes life easier as well.

    OK it is a academic take but she does talk about the phenomenon of "genital flip-flop". Or "linguistic familiarity doesn't breed contempt" which I suspect is also true of swearing.

    As I said - probably only for the academics or linguists here...

    Euphemisms Kate Burridge TEDxSydney 2012 ยท 26 May 2012

    Fast forward to about 5:00 minutes mark for the most relevant content.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 366 posts Report Reply

  • Katita,

    For reasons hardly remembered (something to do with a daggy pair of red tracksuit bottoms) my dear Mum is known as The Whore in Sheep's Trousers. Particularly useful when addressing birthday cards to her from overseas.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 66 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Jason Kemp,

    We were trying hard not to swear around her but only because as we explained it is much more fun when you don't do it all the time.

    sweet

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19688 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Hebe,

    no guarantee I gots it right

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19688 posts Report Reply

  • Rosemary McDonald,

    The very best swear words are the ones that conjure an image....

    "Brown nose".....which is what you get when you've been....

    ....."buttsnorkelling."

    Waikato, or on the road • Since Apr 2014 • 1344 posts Report Reply

  • Moz,

    I'm playing an online game a bit ATM, and a fair number of mental children there seem to use "pick three of the top 10 offensive words" as a name generation system. Others go for "most offensive phrase". I would like to be kidding. And there seems to be no filtering of those names, sadly, or mechanism for objecting to them.

    I am torn between joining in, albeit humorously, via some of the above, and just refusing the whole idea that being gratuitously offensive is worthwhile. Because "The mighty Snotgobblin Butt-Snorkeller triumphs again" seems to match that level of childish amusement without sinking to the depths of ... look, just imagine the worst thing you're likely to read online, and leave it there. Searching the forums for "rape" shows how casually it's used as "one step worse than gay".

    And that's why we should filter out the "bad words", even if it makes the likes of Emma work a little harder to come up with decent descriptions.

    Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 1198 posts Report Reply

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