Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Nine Months of Baby Hell

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  • Craig Ranapia,

    "A child prodigy who was one of the youngest students to be admitted to Oxford University is now working as a prostitute, it has been claimed. "

    Whereas the only qualification you need to whore for the Srews of the World is functional illiteracy and a dead spot in the part of your brain that controls shame.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11867 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Rowe,

    Anything to keep the kid away from the bloody Wiggles.

    Stuff a little more up to date:

    Gillian Welch

    The Greencards (Graham's got a review, but I can't find it)

    Nickle Creek (not Nickleback, you'd prefer the Wiggles).

    Maybe when he's a bit older he can graduate to the outlaw country stuff like Waylon & Willie, say, when he hits the terrible twos.

    Not sure about Robbie Fulks, but a song like She Took a Lot of Pills & Died should be a must for every pre-schooler interested in the genre. :)

    Lake Roxburgh, Central Ot… • Since Nov 2006 • 558 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    My little man had the 10 day constipation thing, but our doctor prescribed enemas. It was not fun for either of us, but it made him regular pretty quick. Not that I'm a fan of poo, but how is food supposed to get into him if it can't get out?

    He has very definite musical tastes, but Daddy just insists. It's my life too. He soon learns that music is a shared experience. I notice a distinct preference for anything lyrical.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 8318 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    Ah... my elder daughter could count to 10 at the age of two. And the day after her second birthday, she got up and said, "No Mummy. No nappies today. Today I wear purple knickers."

    No such thing with my younger daughters tho'. They barely used words at all at age two, and it took them until about age four to manage counting to ten.

    Second children are such a reality check.

    As for powerful contraceptives - I recommend twins. They are often the last children in a family.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1303 posts Report Reply

  • daleaway,

    When I was little, there was still food rationing, so we didn't have today's volumes of eggs and cheese to bind our tiny digestive systems.

    But most of my contemporaries' homes had the magic three bottles on the bench for the semi-daily dose - Milk of Magnesia, Califig (California syrup of figs), and Maltexo (malt extract).

    The Maltexo was to make us big and strong, especially when we were old enough to reach the jar ourselves and could sneak some. Tasty stuff. But the Milk of Magnesia and Califig were produced at the first sign of constipation, and very effective they were.

    That and:
    Prunes, prunes the Wonder Fruit,
    The more you eat the more you toot
    The more you toot, the better you feel
    Let's all have prunes for every meal!

    (There's a version of this old rhyme for beans as well.)

    Since Jul 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    Baked Beans are good for the heart,
    The more you eat, the more you fart,
    The more you fart, the better you feel,
    So eat baked beans for every meal!

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 791 posts Report Reply

  • daleaway,

    I wondered who'd be first!

    Not the exact words we learned, but close enough.

    Since Jul 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • Bob Munro,

    The famous slogan:
    'Beanz Meanz Heinz."

    led to the inevitable t shirt:
    'Heinz Meanz Fartz'

    Christchurch • Since Aug 2007 • 418 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    That's what I like about PAS - the learned conversations, delving into social history and poetry.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1303 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    The only other version I know substitutes "beans, beans" for "baked beans".

    Learnt at primary school in the '70's. I heard about rationing from my parents but it was before my time... :)

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 791 posts Report Reply

  • Bob Munro,

    That's what I like about PAS - the learned conversations, delving into social history and poetry.

    Just marking time till Colin reappears.

    Christchurch • Since Aug 2007 • 418 posts Report Reply

  • Bob Munro,

    Actually stayed up past my bedtime on Saturday night to watch again the beans eating scene in Blazing Saddles.

    As the TV2 promo material says:

    "But it's really all just an excuse for a relentless succession of gags. Even if many are now a little dated, their frequency makes up for it. And a good fart joke never goes out of style."

    Christchurch • Since Aug 2007 • 418 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Those of us at school in the mid-70s might remember this: a Dunedin band, but not of the sort you might normally associate with the term...

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 802 posts Report Reply

  • Belt,

    Now that he's out of his Rodney Hide phase, Bob has returned to his original good looks

    He's gone for the Paul Henry look I think?

    Our goes for extended bouts of temperatures, but in exchange when things are healthy-like, we get instant putdowns without a peep.

    I know. How did we get that lucky?

    Nelson • Since Nov 2006 • 49 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Ah yes, Rob - Mother Goose, yes?

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Rowe,

    Rob, I should have known someone would have that Mother Goose clip. Two things the Dunedin sound -philes don't like to admit - The Knobbz & Mother Goose!

    For some reason, I was reminded of this. Was there a baked bean revival in the 70s or something? (the Beans kick in at about 4 minutes)

    As someone says in the comments, how she didn't win an Oscar, I'll never know.

    Lake Roxburgh, Central Ot… • Since Nov 2006 • 558 posts Report Reply

  • InternationalObserver,

    Mother Goose, yes?

    Quite an amazing video considering it was NuZiland in the 70s. There'd be a few 80s bands who would have killed for that video budget. And who new Billy Connolly was a member of Mother Goose? Was that how he met Pammy?

    As someone says in the comments, how she didn't win an Oscar, I'll never know.

    But oh my, that Ann-Margaret is hot.

    Since Jun 2007 • 909 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    As Pamela Stephenson was later to say in Not the Nine O'Clock News, "Nice video, shame about the song"...

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 874 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Obviously the memory kinda lingers....

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 802 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    And who new Billy Connolly was a member of Mother Goose?

    I thought more Alan Moore, the scariest facial hair in modern comics. And despite the critical plaudits, David, Lost Girls is one picture book you won't want Bob-The-Baby reading for a couple of decades.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11867 posts Report Reply

  • Maureen Gallie,

    when I take my 13mth grandson out in the car,I put 1950's cds on.He just loves Sugarbush by Doris Day,and kicks up a storm when that song is missed out.

    Russell/Hamiltonxtra • Since Mar 2008 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • Hannah Edwards,

    Sorry for my tardy response to this brilliant post. I have only just found time to read it.
    I agree with Danielle (who is the most well researched person I know musically) about country music. I started off like alt country like Gillian Welch and Lucinda Williams but do like the old school stuff as well and have even found I like The Dixie Chicks.
    Re badly behaved babies, around the time our baby had what we presumed was the mysterious 'colic' my mother gave us an article to read from the New Yorker. ('The Colic Conundrum' The New Yorker (Sept 17, 2007): p46.) Here are two excerpts from that article. The first is from a woman who had one baby with colic and then later twins with colic. It lasted 6 months each time and they cried continuously:

    "I got sick of hearing about easy babies," Amanda told me. "One said, 'My son is like a Buddha--he just sits there and smiles.' I wanted to chop her head off."

    This second excerpt is quite disturbing:

    The United States military has reportedly used the sound of wailing infants as an instrument of psychological stress, piping recordings of their cries into the cells of detainees at Guantanamo Bay.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • Hannah Edwards,

    p.s The New Yorker article made us feel that our baby could be a lot worse.

    p.p.s We tried soothing music with our baby but then found 'Sleater Kinney' worked a treat, calmed him right down and sent him off to sleep. Who would have thought.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Jake Pollock wrote:

    The Anthology of American Folk Music is what you want. Four discs jam packed with depression-era 78s.

    Jake, you beautiful human being. On your recommendation we purchased 'The Anthology of American Folk Music' and it has just arrived.

    Bob absolutely loves it -- smiling, laughing, and trying to climb inside the speaker boxes to cuddle up with those cheerful-sounding musicians. Finally, we can play something that's not 'The Carter Family' (although they are represented in the collection, of course).

    Your recommendation has resulted in a dramatic improvement in our quality of life, Jake. Whenever you're next in New Zealand please make contact and I shall buy you some pints.

    By the way, Bob seems to particularly enjoy the banjo stuff. I don't suppose you want to try for the double and recommend any good banjo music from this period?

    Maureen Gallie wrote:

    when I take my 13mth grandson out in the car,I put 1950's cds on.He just loves Sugarbush by Doris Day,and kicks up a storm when that song is missed out.

    Thanks for the suggestion, Maureen -- much appreciated! I'll give Doris a try, but I suspect that she'll be too modern for Bob's taste. My rigorous scientific experimentation suggest that his cut-off date for music is 1937.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 973 posts Report Reply

  • Pauline Dawson,

    Progress Valley Possum pickers might work if Bob likes a banjo -and its local :-)

    I am pleased to say Baby #3 (9 months) has been introduced to Joy Division and it works a charm - a definitely step up from #1 and her Metallica thing

    **REPLY:** Thanks Pauline, will investigate the PVPPs. Congrats on getting baby #3 onto Joy Division -- DH

    Mosgiel • Since Feb 2008 • 26 posts Report Reply

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