Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Phar Lap and Me

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  • David Haywood,

    Originally written on March 29th 2010, but held back to allow readers to forget the excellence of Emma Hart's piece on the same subject (written on that same day).

    I had decided not to run it at all, but then realized how keen many people would be to find out what Phar Lap has been up to since his retirement.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 953 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    Surely a better solution to Phar Lap's current mobility problems would be simply to screw a few casters in - then she could just pull her horsey around by the reins

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2031 posts Report Reply

  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    Crunching like strawberry boxes.

    I love the soundscape this image produces!

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 98 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Stevens,

    I think you're giving Paula way too much credit.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 229 posts Report Reply

  • Stewart,

    It was the Martha Longhurst part that did it for me.
    (old bloke with a long memory...)

    PB gets nothing but abuse in our house, and neither of us are beneficiaries.

    Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere… • Since Oct 2008 • 557 posts Report Reply

  • Ian MacKay,

    I take her point about the david farrier needing to be skilled. I expect that he was the one who designed and fitted those razor sharp lethal horse-shoes which complements Paula's sharp tongue. Does she use a horse whip to urge Phar Lap onwards or just save that for brushing off pesky whining beneficiaries? I suppose Paula's sarcasm directed at MPs in the House must reflect her constant need for a new set of victims. A sort of Victim Withdrawl Syndrone. A sort of Vampire effect.

    Bleheim • Since Nov 2006 • 498 posts Report Reply

  • Philip Challinor,

    A lady at Cabinet table
    Directed, as best she was able,
    Her psychic percipience
    At welfare recipients
    From out of the ghost of a stable.

    Together, the horsey and Paula
    Made one ectoplasmical mauler
    Which hissed at the team:
    "It's the end of the dream!"
    While they thought of some nice names to call her.

    Her Cabinet colleagues said, "Pah!
    Just who do these two think they are?
    It's all very well
    Giving poor people hell,
    But this goes just one lap too phar!"

    London, England • Since Sep 2009 • 52 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    I think you're giving Paula way too much credit.

    No, you just don't recognise a crusader when you see one. If you could all stop mocking Paula and let her get on with crushing beneficiaries and their dependents and stop whining about boring things that aren't about her bonhomie, fun and charisma... maybe if you just let a superhero get on with her job I could get my damn pony.

    L'amour des chevaux on youtube

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    her bonhomie, fun and charisma

    Wait, she has Charisma too?

    I am of course going to think of this every time we drive past that statue now.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4327 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    Wait, she has Charisma too?

    Silly Emma, of course she has Charisma too, you just don't see that Paula is a superhero now that she's all finished being a beneficiary herself. She was able to to pull herself up by her own bootstraps.

    Beneficiaries can straighten up and succeed like she has. Well not that well because she is pretty special. But sort of better than they are now.

    Emma, I sometimes I worry you have no romance about you.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    A lady at Cabinet table...

    Okay, now I'm getting jealous.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7320 posts Report Reply

  • Ian MacKay,

    Now that is very funny and very clever Phillip.

    Bleheim • Since Nov 2006 • 498 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    And apparently John Denver was singing 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' as he dropped towards the ocean -- such a tragedy!

    I think is was probably more likely to be Jackson Brown's "Running on Empty".

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1479 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Dear Dr Haywood,

    Many thanks for your interview with Paula Bennett. I have found it very helpful.

    But I wonder what a physicist would make of it -- because, frankly, some of it sounds a bit unlikely!

    On another note, I think a regular column of "Paula's Tips" would be very well received.

    Regards, etc.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18509 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Phar Lap says he's the reincarnation of Judith Collins

    I am sure the resemblence is with the teeth. But I could be swayed....

    It's hard work but I must say that I'm very happy, and I wouldn't swap jobs with anyone.

    Hehe. I read that first as "I wouldn't swab jobs with anyone".

    Now Wiki is a wonderful source of info. Just checked Martha's link. It looks like Horse and Cart have been looking up it as well. What with Fags being taxed. Her first words on Corrie were: "Evening. Have you got a packet of crisps?". Her last words on Corrie St were "Can I have a large sherry". Fags first. Next will be Alcohol. Then Junk Food? Yup.... Connections.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1479 posts Report Reply

  • Andre Alessi,

    She can't be a superhero, she doesn't have a cape.

    Devonport, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 846 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    She learned from the scarf incident.

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 854 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    Originally written on March 29th 2010, but held back

    Thus depriving me of a birthday present.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1094 posts Report Reply

  • Dave Patrick,

    She can't be a superhero, she doesn't have a cape.

    Watch The Incredibles for the reason for this.

    Rangiora, Te Wai Pounamu • Since Nov 2006 • 232 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    You wouldn't ever think of taking to the trots*, I suppose?

    * I used to think they had something to do with Trotsky.

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2265 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Horses for courses...

    You wouldn't ever think of taking to the trots*,
    I suppose?
    * I used to think they had something to do
    with Trotsky.

    ..introducing... MisterRed!
    a hoarse reddish source...
    of course!

    When the the drink stops working
    then finally the dram is over...

    don't dream it, be (nef) it...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4555 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Phillip Challinor - yay!
    dittoo I.D

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    She can't be a superhero, she doesn't have a cape.

    Oh, I wouldn't rule that out.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Philip Challinor,

    A middle-aged super named Bennett
    Said, "I disagree with the tenet
    Which says I must drape
    Myself in a cape;
    For breeding counts more than looks, ennit?"

    London, England • Since Sep 2009 • 52 posts Report Reply

  • Greville Whittle,

    I was thinking about our dynamic duo in the car when Chris Knox's Ballad Of A Victim Of The Economic Recovery popped up in the random playlist.

    When your brain is all bent
    You're no longer Clark Kent
    You're a superhero
    That's when I'll come along
    With my mad little song
    to unscrew
    You fly so sweetly

    Funny that the song seems to feel current to me, it was written in 1997. Has National moved on from those days or have we forgotten? :)

    On the other hand, upon listening to the whole song it made me think more of Key than Bennett.

    Hamiltron • Since Oct 2008 • 35 posts Report Reply

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