Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Confessions of a Social Retard

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  • Steve Reeves,

    P.S. 24

    Near Donny Park, Hamilton… • Since Apr 2007 • 94 posts Report Reply

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    I find any quizes or surveys that include "agree/strongly agree" options end up telling far more about my inability to commit to an unequivocal opinion than anything else.

    It's particularly odd where the quiz makes it clear that the veracity of your answers doesn't matter:

    How to score: "Definitely agree" or "Slightly agree" responses to questions 2, 4, 5, ... score 1 point. "Definitely disagree" or "Slightly disagree" responses to questions 1, 3, 8, ... score 1 point.

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3207 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    Perhaps the alcohol works by taking away the need (or ability) to analyse?

    Alcohol works because it makes you convince yourself that everyone wants to sleep with you, and therefore everyone is desperately interested in everything you have to say, no matter what it is.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 746 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Alcohol works because it makes you convince yourself that everyone wants to sleep with you, and therefore everyone is desperately interested in everything you have to say, no matter what it is.

    See, I can really only socially function on the basis of the belief that no-one wants to sleep with me.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    See, I can really only socially function on the basis of the belief that no-one wants to sleep with me.

    Are you hitting on me by suggesting we should have babies together so they'd have a chance of having a normal ego?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 746 posts Report Reply

  • Dave Patrick,

    Alcohol gave me just enough confidence to think "I could probably hit on her" but not enough to actually let me think that, once hit upon, said girl would actually want to do anything with me. And, most of the time, not enough confidence to do the actual hitting-upon.

    All those years of unrequited lust.......

    Rangiora, Te Wai Pounamu • Since Nov 2006 • 261 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    An old flame of mine is someone I keep in contact with probably once or twice per year. None of my friends, or her friends, can make head or tail of it. "Why would you?", I get asked. After a while, you begin to wonder if it is actually a weird thing to do. Even if it means nothing more to you than catching up with an old and dear friend, the idea that it means more to other people is off-putting.

    I'm always a bit suspicious of people who choose partners who they have nothing in common with and no reason to be friends with if they cease to be partners. Obviously there are emotional complications in being friends with an ex, at least for a while after the relationship is over, but with mutual goodwill these can often be overcome. Good people who really understand me and with whom I have heaps in common? They're not all that common, so I like to keep them in my life if at all possible!

    And I've had some very close friendships with men I've never been involved with. Yes, sometimes it can get complicated, and sometimes the complication is the assumption of others that if a straight woman likes a straight man then they should be a couple. But why rule out half the population as possible friends? And why can't you make an emotional connection with someone without having sex with them?

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3891 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    But why rule out half the population as possible friends? And why can't you make an emotional connection with someone without having sex?

    See, I think one of the reasons I find it so boggling is that I'm bisexual. I'd have to rule out the ENTIRE population as friends.

    Are you hitting on me by suggesting we should have babies together so they'd have a chance of having a normal ego?

    Have you been drinking, Jo?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    ordinary people seem to be able grasp Facebook

    Hmph!

    Russell: Facebook :: Giovanni: Apple products

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    Have you been drinking, Jo?

    Unfortunately not. I miss Green Land where they'd put rum in my coffee if I made it there before 9am.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 746 posts Report Reply

  • George Darroch,

    But why rule out half the population as possible friends? And why can't you make an emotional connection with someone without having sex?

    Cause men can't think about anything but sex (tm).
    Apart from when they're being more rational than women (pretty much always) (tm).

    WLG • Since Nov 2006 • 2264 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    But why rule out half the population as possible friends? And why can't you make an emotional connection with someone without having sex?

    Cause men can't think about anything but sex (tm).
    Apart from when they're being more rational than women (pretty much always) (tm).

    Hehe. Oh, thinking about sex is allowed. :-) But that doesn't mean it's a good idea or that it won't wreck what you already have.

    I may be in a minority but I see sex as an option, not as compulsory. :-)

    And a bit of flirtation can be hugely enjoyable. You don't have to be gay to enjoy romantic friendship. At least, no one ever told me I wasn't allowed.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3891 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    And why can't you make an emotional connection with someone without having sex with them?

    Yes, surely it is possible to love your family like that. Even in Tasmania.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10650 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I'm a 19. But I faked it till I made it. I am horribly socially inept, or used to be.I was never shy, I was always just saying completely the wrong thing. I still do sometimes. But I just practised and now everyone thinks I like people. I don't really, except the ones I do.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    I'm right up there with David - definitely got the whole engineer freezes up in most social situations thing going on - probably someone ought to have taught us all the stuff that Russel knows to teach his boys.

    But the 'do a turn' thing .... shudder ... (my dad taught me some Ogden Nash - "The common cormorant ..." gets me through 1 round so I can escape) ... but I've been doing a lot of work in Asia recently ..... karaoke .... double shudder .... (couldn't hold a tune if my life depended on it) ... I'm a somewhat rude business partner

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2620 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Is it spring already, or something? Sure seems hot in here.

    Speaking of FB, someone posted a comment about seeing lovely frolicking spring lambs in a field.

    I resisted my immediate response, which was 'Yum!' In a culinary sense that is, JTBC.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    And while we're talking about social activities that make no sense to me at all and serve only to inspire fear and bitterness: dancing.

    I'm with Charlie Brooker:

    The few occasions on which I've allowed myself to be dragged onto a dance floor have been the most painfully awkward and inwardly cringing of my life.

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    The few occasions on which I've allowed myself to be dragged onto a dance floor have been the most painfully awkward and inwardly cringing of my life.

    And yet, for me it's only when I'm dancing can feel this free ...

    Being on a good dancefloor is just a liberating thing. And I did feel that way before I tried E.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • Dave Patrick,

    Oooo dancing - I can waltz adequately (even managing turns and everything), I can pogo like a mad thing, but that thing the kids do in clubs and things...? Nah.....

    That episode of the Young Ones where they had a spoof "yoof" TV programme called "Nozin' Around"? What Ben Elton does on that? That's me dancing.

    Rangiora, Te Wai Pounamu • Since Nov 2006 • 261 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Hmph!

    Russell: Facebook :: Giovanni: Apple products

    Oh, all right. But at least I use Facebook ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    No you don't. You just sit there and accumulate friends and plug Media 7 :-)

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    No you don't. You just sit there and accumulate friends and plug Media 7 :-)

    Heh. I don't even do that ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    And yet, for me it's only when I'm dancing can feel this free ...

    See, I always assumed that dancing was a metaphor for sex there -- at night she locks the door so no-one else can see her "dancing" by herself; tonight she wants to "dance" with someone else...

    Sure, it sounds ruder when I add square quotes, but what doesn't?

    (I'd also like to add that I didn't watch the attached video and am quoting the lyrics from memory. I am old. And possibly a little gay.)

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    See, I always assumed that dancing was a metaphor for sex there -- at night she locks the door so no-one else can see her "dancing" by herself; tonight she wants to "dance" with someone else...

    Well, yes. There's certainly more than one way to read "into the groove" ...

    So have I gayed myself now?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • Lea Barker,

    Hmmph. Well, I'm a 35 on that test, but some of the questions seemed a bit daft to me. For example, I'm not good at remembering people's names, but I'm good at remembering the patterns of vowels and consonants in their names. With any luck, I'll come up with the right name that matches the pattern, but I've been wrong so many times that I usually don't risk it.

    And as coincidence would have it, just this week at my workplace a group of us were asked "for fun" to do the Myers-Briggs personality test and report the results to each other. So I'm an INFJ, whose description at http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/myers-briggs/infj.htm seems to be pretty much on the button.

    Oh! Was I supposed to show some interest in the chit-chat here? (Tee hee!)

    BTW, car license plate of the week, seen as I was ruminating about running for office for the board of directors of the local transit authority because our bus service has gone all to hell: UWUDLUZ. (It's not like I actively look for omens and signs!)

    I guess what I can't reconcile with that test score is that I love serendipity. Maybe I lied.

    Oakland, CA • Since Nov 2006 • 45 posts Report Reply

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