Field Theory by Hadyn Green

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Field Theory: 25 Things you need to be a man

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  • Rich of Observationz,

    At least one of those items is illegal in NZ.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 4210 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    I have done every one of those things (at least I think I had to clean a rifle during barracks in high school - it was a long time ago).

    But I don't get the 'man' thing - surely everyone should be able to do these things?

    (except maybe 'bleed brakes' - I'd rather everyone else on the road wasn't doing that for themselves ...)

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 1958 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    the idea of man as a leader, able to give directions and take charge if needed

    Aw, that's so sweet.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Hmm, I can do all those apart from one. Is a washing machine needed for cleaning a bolt action rifle?

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4452 posts Report Reply

  • Danyl Mclauchlan,

    This quote from Robert Heinlein seems . . . well, not relevent, but close:

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 894 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    But I don't get the 'man' thing - surely everyone should be able to do these things?

    and

    the idea of man as a leader, able to give directions and take charge if needed

    Aw, that's so sweet.

    Makes me think I need to repeat this para:

    "Man", as I read it in the list, is now a concept not a sex. Men were hunter/gatherer/semen-factories and then evolved into farmers/truck-owners and for some reason you needed a penis to be that (I blame religion again). The list though seems to define man (or manly) as protector/provider but removing any gender bias (like strength or speed or hair growth).

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2079 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Outdoors

    * Perform CPR

    Given that most mechanics work indoors, I'm not sure what makes this an outdoor skill.

    I can see it now. A mechanic accidentally electrocutes himself. Mechanics cluster around him, unsure what to do. One bright spark utters the lifesaving words: "Quick! Drag him outside so we can perform CPR!"

    Since Nov 2006 • 6145 posts Report Reply

  • Judy Callingham,

    _<quote>Know the fastest distance between two points (in their home town)<quote>

    And if you could just add: ...and be prepared to ask for directions if you get it wrong!

    Auckland • Since Apr 2009 • 13 posts Report Reply

  • Peter Darlington,

    According to that list I'm only 80% manly :( but I plan never to bleed brakes or change an oil filter in my life. Happy for my local garage to do that and I'll gladly pay them.

    But surely there's only one over-riding thing you you need to know to be a man.

    1. Don't be a dick

    Nelson • Since Nov 2006 • 868 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Meanwhile it seems manly square-jawed model-dating Superbowl-winning football player Tom Brady can't do the "paddle a canoe" thing

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2079 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Perform CPR

    Given that most mechanics work indoors, I'm not sure what makes this an outdoor skill.

    It just fitted better there.

    1. Don't be a dick

    Actually I rather all humans learned that one

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2079 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    I would add: "Bury deceased family pets"

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2218 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    This quote from Robert Heinlein seems . . . well, not relevent, but close:

    This explains why my googling Douglas Adams for the same did not work.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Makes me think I need to repeat this para:

    Yeah, I get that. But oddly, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, leadership/organisation has always seemed a female trait to me. In that everybody mills about mooing until the Decider in the group goes 'screw this, here's what we're doing', and in my experience with friends and family that person is almost always female. Hence this:

    In my family, things are always organised by women. That's determined by a simple, and hugely sexist, underlying assumption: men are a bit shit. A man couldn't organise a lay on a poultry farm. If you want something done properly, you get a woman to do it. First it's the mother's job, then as the family ages it becomes the daughter's.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Yeah, I get that. But oddly, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, leadership/organisation has always seemed a female trait to me. In that everybody mills about mooing until the Decider in the group goes 'screw this, here's what we're doing', and in my experience with friends and family that person is almost always female.

    I don't know how David and I have been coping all these years... Oh, that's right -- not giving a shit, and deciding most things only become a crisis if you let them.

    And somehow, I don't feel testosterone-deficient because I've been known to hire an electrician occasionally.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11614 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    If you want something done properly, you get a woman to do it.

    Doing stuff is work and being with friends is relaxing.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Re-wiring a ceramic fuse a couple of month ago did give me a tiny, passing (non-electrical) spark of DIY pride. But that's as far as it goes.

    I note that no food-gathering, gardening, cultivation or other agricultural-type skills are included to get the manly through a potential apocalypse...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1549 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    # Use a torque wrench

    WTFs a torque wrench and when should it be used?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1612 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    WTFs a torque wrench and when should it be used?

    It's a wrench with a dial/gauge on it that lets you know how much force you're applying when you're tightening a bolt. Useful for work on engines, I'm told, where you don't want to over- or under-tighten.

    John Muir of How to Keep your Volkswagen Alive fame thought these were a waste of time, and told you just to watch until the tendon in your wrist stood out from the twisting. Mind you, he also thought that a spare tyre on the front was "all the protection you need" from crashes in a VW Kombi, so I'm not so sure...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1549 posts Report Reply

  • Kim_Wright,

    Torque wrench is used to apply correct pressures after replacing ahead gasket. If you tighten too much can split the gasket!

    Wellington • Since May 2009 • 38 posts Report Reply

  • Phil Sargent,

    No power tools ? Surely there should be some mandatory requirement ?

    Since Nov 2006 • 28 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Torque wrench is used to apply correct pressures after replacing ahead gasket. If you tighten too much can split the gasket!

    I didn't know either Don (though I assumed I'd find out when I got to that bit)

    Perhaps having answers is a manly thing? Or perhaps the ability to find things? (no cheap "men can never find anything" jokes please)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2079 posts Report Reply

  • Julian Melville,

    I figured you could knock the torque wrench off first... "push until it gets to the right number, then stop pushing". There, done.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 180 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    In my family, things are always organised by women. That's determined by a simple, and hugely sexist, underlying assumption: men are a bit shit. A man couldn't organise a lay on a poultry farm. If you want something done properly, you get a woman to do it. First it's the mother's job, then as the family ages it becomes the daughter's.

    In my family it was the other way around (except that we didn't think the women to be a bit shit). But then again I had a cadre of Uncles who were/are very good organisers.

    But either way leadership is supposed to be a "manly" thing, even if the generic joke is that men talk a lot while women get things done.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2079 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive; A Manual of Step-By-Step Procedures for the Compleat Idiot.

    Step 1: Buy a Toyota.
    Step 2: Convert Volkswagen into quirky bar/gazebo/chicken coop.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 4210 posts Report Reply

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