Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Public Address Medical Journal: The Smut-Clog

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  • mark taslov,

    I'm really glad it's not life threatening Emma, in the last two weeks I've had one friend diagnosed with skin cancer and another with MS, when I started reading this I thought "here we go again.."

    Your superpowers of humour are clearly unaffected.

    Set against the pathos, it's hilarious reading. Sorry if that's not quite what you were going for ; )

    your taxed dollar • Since Mar 2008 • 1293 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    I'm curious about what Emma's other side is now!

    I guess I always think of TANK GIRL

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5699 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Adric eh?
    Good one.
    I'd call arthritis a pet name too - say Phuqueu?- except I cant find a modicum of petsiness about the bloody thing.
    I really enjoyed your post Emma - and empathise as only another myope who does the gamut of those kinda tests at least twice yearly - but without (to date) such an unnerving result..
    may all come well -kia te hauora, kia te koa, kia ora na-

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    I've always wondered what it sounds like inside one of those machines. Congrats at defusing this so well that I have nothing other than that to focus on. Maybe I need some of them Jessica Rabbit drops..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 15715 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    I've had those pupil-dilating drops, so my optometrist could take piccies of the backs of my eyes. Amazing. I got lots of very odd looks for the next few hours.

    I've never had the it's-a-brain-tumour-but-not-a-bad-one experience, 'though I have had the OMG-I've-found-a-lump-in-my-breast experience. It was... frightening, the first time. And completely benign. By the time I found the third one, some years later, I had gotten a little blase about it all, 'though I still got it checked out as soon as I found it. Benign, again, thank goodness.

    I'm very glad to hear that Adric is a passive wee chap. Your sangfroid in the face of looming disaster astounds and humbles me, Emma.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Oh, Emma. Thanks for sharing this. And thank goodness it's benign. I read the wikipedia thing and it may all sound goodish, but you know, cancer bestows it's own legacy. My lovely, much missed Dad had a very good toast he used regularly. I gift it to you. Confusion to your enemies! May Adric remain permanently confused.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3112 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    Emma, a lovely piece as ever. I've not had a significant health scare but imagine how hard it is to not let it overwhelm you and hope for good news. Very pleased you got the good news quick.

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2185 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Cotman,

    Adric, LOL - it's a good sign that at a time like this you can come up with such a brilliantly semi-obscure geeky reference.

    All the very best for the upcoming coming treatment, and thanks for posting about the experience - a lesson to us all about getting unusual lumps, bumps and blurry things checked out early. Kia kaha.

    Montpellier (France) • Since Mar 2009 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    may all come well -kia te hauora, kia te koa, kia ora na-

    Kia ora, Islander. I shall think of you the next time I'm squinting at my monitor from four inches away.

    I guess I always think of TANK GIRL

    Sofie, you are choice.

    My lovely, much missed Dad had a very good toast he used regularly. I gift it to you. Confusion to your enemies!

    I was at a party once (okay, probably more than once), went into the bathroom, and someone had written across the mirror in lipstick:

    That which does not kill us has just made its last mistake.

    Given my mental state it seemed very profound, and I've thought of it a number of times this week.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    That which does not kill us has just made its last mistake.

    That, my lovely, is completely apt for you. Oh, bugger. You made me cry again.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3112 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    I was at a party once (okay, probably more than once)

    That's got to be a chapter title at least.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 15715 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Here comes the Emmazon...
    A Hart of two halves?

    I guess I always think of TANK GIRL

    I was thinking more the redoubtable Octobriana - allegedly created in the 1960s by a group of dissident Russian artists calling themselves Progressive Political Pornography - no matter, a great comic heroine, with a lot of verve...

    ...and if the ONSM is benign (B9), does that make it a kind of focal folic acid folly? ;- )
    - some puns are better folate than nerve!

    Smut-clog gave me visions of a smog created by a bonfire of Dutch wooden shoes/sabots...
    - no mean feat!

    But seriously, thanks for sharing, and opening a very private door to us all.
    You are indeed an amazing amazon!

    yrs optimistically
    A. Scythian
    Crimea River...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4199 posts Report Reply

  • slarty,

    Good luck Emma. My specialist was brilliant when he came out of theatre to tell me I had a tumour in my leg. And they played nice music for me in the MRI... must confess I went a bit mental for a while between diagnosis and biopsy results! Shame you didn't get to use the excuse longer :)

    Since Nov 2006 • 290 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    Oh the waiting waiting waiting... we have been through that and hate it. Roll on instant diagnosis.

    Anyway, may what doesn't kill you CONTINUE NOT TO DO SO.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2906 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Ae. Failure is an attractive attribute of a tumour.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 15715 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Failure is an attractive attribute of a tumour.

    Yeah, I'm pretty down with a burnout-underachiever-type tumour myself. Like, a pot casualty growth or something: it can't really be bothered to get off the couch.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3582 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I was thinking more the redoubtable Octobriana

    Ian, she is AWESOME! (I have a small collection of communist lapel pins and one of those little round furry hats. They were all gifts. *cough* gifts, even.)

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Ur, you're ...tiptoe...OK---tiptoe...Danielle?

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Helen T,

    Okay, so I just had to explain to a bunch of WoW geeks, in the middle of a pub (hey, they have free WiFi), why I'm laughing.

    They got confused (and somewhat upset) around the words brain tumour. Mark, being in the loop, just giggled. Especially at the Teegan/Nyssa comments.

    Yorkshire (West if you're… • Since Jun 2009 • 14 posts Report Reply

  • octopusgrrl,

    Glad you got a diagnosis, Emma, and here's hoping that Adric sits the fuck down and shuts up for the foreseeable (hah) future!

    Dunedin • Since May 2009 • 30 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    /HUG

    If I could do more I would.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3108 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    But seriously, thanks for sharing, and opening a very private door to us all.

    Or a window...

    That was a scary and funny but concerning blog. Can your eye sight be improved without invasive surgery? And did you get to keep photos of you brain; do you want me to try to build some sort of computer monitory contraption out of two broken digital cameras, that we might manage to hook up directly, as a last ditch effort?

    Since Nov 2006 • 2277 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    But, also, thanks for your upfront story, Emma. It's made me feel more grateful to have you here.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2277 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    Don't really know what to say but 'wishing you the best of luck with that, Emma.'

    do you want me to try to build some sort of computer monitory contraption out of two broken digital cameras, that we might manage to hook up directly, as a last ditch effort?

    Dude, she's not single, but nice try. ;)

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Thank you, all.

    Can your eye sight be improved without invasive surgery?

    No. Without invasive surgery it will, almost certainly, very slowly get worse.

    My daughter was very interested in the invasive surgery prospects. She wanted to know if I'd need my hair shaved off, and how they'd go in, and whether they'd shove a hook up my nose like the ancient Egyptians did.

    And then three hours after we all found out about the brain tumour, we took her off for her high school application interview. We've had worse days as a family, but not many.

    And did you get to keep photos of you brain

    No; however I think I'm going to get to know the guys in radiology REALLY well, so I will ask.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

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